I could not watch What A Way to Go (available on DVD from Netflix) again last night. I do need to watch it again to see if I feel differently about it (less of a feeling of futility, more of anger perhaps) after a second viewing. There are some books and authors mentioned that I need to make note of as well.
I'm glad that I have Roszak's The Voice of the Earth to fall back on. I understand it as being a psychological or intellectual safety net to buffer my fall from that window of reality that the film so chillingly opened. The book is opening my mind to ideas new to me, as well as furthering my understanding of Freudian and Jungian psychology which seem to re-appear in all of my reading lately.
The Voice of the Earth provides a positive continuum to the largely undiscussed research that I have been undertaking over the past couple of years. And I can begin to appreciate the purpose of that research: to open my mind to the reality of such a thing, given the tendency we in the industrialized world have to block it out. (Indeed, our denial of its very existence is encouraged by the brain-numbing consensus trance which the mass media so relentlessly enforces.) This research answers my question of why things took such a turn and how it was allowed to happen.
I do not have time to belabor these points any further this morning. Those who know me are aware of the personal upheaval that has colored my life over the past few months. Perhaps that abrupt change, with all its attendant soul-searching and emotional healing is, at least in part, catalyst to my current change in awareness. All I know for certain is that something very important is happening to me right now, which is profoundly affecting my world view, my understanding of self, and the future of my expression through my art.
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